I, Shinobi: Sakura Haruno
by The Abominable BlowHard
Summary: Okay So you get the cliche. I woke up in a fictional world as another person. Oh and she's still partly in my head! Okay this can't be real right? I know how it should turn out, but things have already begun to change. How do I not only keep my self alive and undiscovered, but also keep the world safe? Extra-Insert-Story.[Not-self] Don't like then don't read.
1. Chapter 1

**Waking Up As Sakura Haruno  
**

* * *

So I guess I should start out by telling you about my life before this happened. I was... Oh, god... _was!_ A woman in my late thirties. I was about 4'8" with a slightly muscular build. I was slender, but not thin, you know?

My hair was a dull copper color, like a dark reddish, but still on this side of being called brunette. And yeah, the carpet matched.

Any time I would feel, well, anything, I would jump on my treadmill. So my legs got beefed. My calves were a little too big, and my thighs while not fatty wouldn't fit in most jeans with my waist size. I had the thigh gap some guys like... But I had no butt to mention. It was as flat as my stomach.

My real redeeming feature in the looks department, had to be my breasts. They were firm, not as soft as some of the women I've felt up, but they were also round and didn't hang as much either. Depending on the brand I could fit into a C or D bra pretty comfortably. And while I didn't really need the bra to keep them up, I would usually wear one to keep them still while I ran or to keep my nipples from showing.

Sometimes I would go without one intentionally to show them off. I had fun with that.

I was married once. But I guess he thought he could do better.

The only thing I got out of the marriage was the puppy we bought together. We got her because her fur was close to the same color as my hair.

I know she's a type of spaniel, but I don't know which specific one. She has these long ears with curly fur on them. They always look like a mess. The rest of her fur lays flat.

I named her Gingersnap.

God do I miss her. I would give anything to have her back now. I cried on her almost every day after my divorce. She was always ready to comfort me. She didn't even seem to mind when I snotted... Though, I was the one who would clean it out of her fur.

I had a great job. I was a programmer at a software company. The name of the company doesn't mater. I'm not even in the same world anymore.

But I guess one public breakdown was enough to ruin that.

After that I worked nights in a convenience store.

I had a lot of good friends too.

But it turns out slashing your ex-husband's tires is a felony offense. He dropped the charges on the condition that I replaced the tires. He's got a restraining order now.

But I earned it, and damn me if I'm not proud of it.

Anyway that's how I began my life as a shut-in homebody. I only ever left my apartment to go to work. I even get my groceries there. So I guess it was a convenient store after all. My apartment complex has a laundry facility so I usually do them on my nights off. If no one is awake and down there.

I started watching shows online. Mostly things that a bunch of my coworkers at my last job told me to watch. Game of thrones, the walking dead, and anime.

I fell in love with anime. And I guess now, that was my saving grace. I certainly wouldn't have been able to cope with this situation if I hadn't recognized the world I'm now in.

I found that my favorite characters were like my best friends. Picolo, Gohan, Chad, Grimjaw, Zoro, Gajeel. I always seemed to like the side guys best. Now I'm not a one way girl... In fact, while I like men well enough to have married one, I prefer women, my dream is to have a harem like I'm in some kind of ecchi.

And with my love of anime came my introduction to fanfictions... I read so many of them I can't even count them. But some stood out to me. One author actually stood out more than the others. He had so many idea's and concepts of chakra mechanics and he was always so animated when he spoke of them.

And he's a fellow divorcee. So he understood some of what I went through. We shared some conversations and then it's like he dropped of the edge of the planet. We never met in person, but I think he was the one who motivated me to try my hand at it... but what I wrote got removed for being too explicit. Hell, the name of it gave it away. Bedroom jutsu's. It didn't even last a full day.

As it turns out, a lot of what he came up with actually worked when I tried to put it to use... but I'll get to that later. I have to thank him for the idea's he gave me and apologize for spoiling anything he may have wanted to be a big secret. But it turns out some of that helped me. His were simple stories. And this... this was as real to me as Gingersnap.

I went to bed that night with a high fever telling myself that if it wasn't down in the morning I would go to urgent care. Gingersnap lay beside me whimpering as if she had been scolded for something. My last words to my only real friend were that she was a good girl and I would see her in the morning...

My last words to my best—no _only_ friend, were a lie.

* * *

Waking up was a splitting migraine.

Someone was there with me. I don't know who.

There was a wet rag on my forehead and I could feel a bit of water dripping into my mouth as a cup was pressed against my lips.

I cracked an eye open to see who had entered my apartment but before I could react, words came from my mouth. "Mom? Am I going to be late?"

The woman beside me was tall and worried as hell from her face. Her hair was a dark mango color not quite red but also not really blonde.

"Hush, Sakura dear. You're going to stay home today. You've been sicking up all night, and your fever has only just broke. You need to rest dear."

Wait? Sakura? Was that who she thought I was? And why had I even spoken?

Something was wrong.

I needed to get up and get out of here, I needed to find Gingersnap. I should probably check into a hospital too.

Before I could even sit up, the woman pushed me down. Her hand pressed firmly on my shoulder.

"Rest." She said more firmly. This time it was a command rather than an explanation.

" _Huh, I guess she's right, I do maybe need to get better..._ "

My body jerked as a voice sounded in my head. My eyes widened and I looked around. but there wasn't anyone else there.

The woman's worried frown deepened.

I tried to calm down and closed my eyes hoping I could just go back to sleep and wake up in my apartment with Gingersnap cuddled up against me.

with my eyes closed a kind of, I guess, felt, more than I saw her.

It was a young girl not older than ten. But she wasn't solid per se.

It was as if I could feel her existence and her shape, but there wasn't an actual image in my mind.

" _Who are you?_ " The voice asked in this accusing and judgmental tone. " _Where is the real me?_ "

'The what?' I thought at her.

" _You know, the me that you replaced. I'm the inner me, and you... You are where the real me should be._ "

She sounded as if a had take her spot on the couch and she wanted it back... But something was beginning to click in my h— in Sakura's head I guess?

'Are you the one who spoke earlier?' I mentally asked her.

" _Well it didn't look like you were going to say it, and we really need to keep my grades up._ "

Outside my head, the woman had sat back and was watching my face with a confused interest. "Sakura, If you're trying to figure out how to lower your temperature with chakra, I won't be fooled by it. Even if you are the picture of health in the next ten minutes you are still staying home."

" _Answer her!_ " The voice demanded.

"Sorry, I'm not. I mean I."

That was all I got out before the mouth I was using spoke for someone else. "I'm not trying to get out of it mom, I just feel confused right now, as if my head has someone else in it."

The woman blinked.

I panicked.

The body I was in gave no reaction whatsoever.

Had I been relegated to the inner self position? Did she just give away the fact of my existence?! Oh shit! I was going to be mind wiped out of her brain like some kind of sleeper agent!

"Wow, dear... I never expected you to use the same excuse your father used to. Where did you hear it?" The woman asked amused by the response.

"Wait, so dad has felt like this too? I need to talk to him when he gets home!"

I was horrified. This inner version of Sakura was going to turn me in!

" _No I'm not, calm down already!_ " She sounded so annoyed inside but her outer voice was calm and interested.

"This isn't the first time I have felt like this mom. And if he has the same thing, maybe he can tell me what it is."

"Well okay, I'll send him up as soon as he gets home." The woman consented and stood to leave. "Now you rest some more and I'll go make you some breakfast."

As soon as she was gone I turned my focus to taking back control.

And I had it before I had even prepared to try.

" _God you need to calm down, it's not like I want Ino's dad in my head anymore than you do and I know you're messed up and confused or I wouldn't have had to deal with mom_."

'What's going on here?' I cried out with all my thoughts.

" _Not so loud you idiot! What if a sensor type hears you!_ "

'Wait they can do that?' Now I was scared again.

" _I don't think s, but it doesn't hurt to be careful._ "

'Okay So what _is_ going on?' I asked again. 'How did I get here and why am I in your head? How do I go home? God why am I even this calm, usually I would be snotting right about now'

There was this sensation of gagging in the back of my mind as if the other girl were actually doing the action. " _I was going to ask you a lot of those. But if you ever do **that** in my body I will rip you out of my head my self got it?_"

I guess she got the full concept of me snotting when I mentioned it.

" _Okay, so I guess you don't know much about where we are but I'll give you the cliff notes to get you started. Our name is Sakura Haruno, We are eleven years old. We live in Konoha, the village hidden in the leaves. This is a ninja village and we are just starting our last year at the academy. If we graduate we'll become geni—_ "

'I think I know that much,' I snapped at her. 'We graduate and get put on team seven with Naruto and Sasuke and then we take the chunin exams where we end up being completely useless. And then.'

I stopped listing off what I knew as I felt the other girl's eyes widen and her jaw drop. She was as stunned at what I said as I was to be here.

A moment later and I figured out why.

She was still in the academy. I had been about to narrate her entire part in the anime.

I had just told her the future.

* * *

Thank you for reading this.

So I have many of these stories. I plan to do one for each of the main and important side characters, as well as for their Chibi's.

Let me know what you think in the Reviews, and who else you want me to become. As it is fiction, I can be anybody.


	2. Chapter 2

**Getting My Bearings As Sakura Haruno**

* * *

Somehow _Inner-_ Sakura had managed to not start demanding to know the future. The fact I had just listed off things that hadn't happened for her yet set her eagerly waiting for an explanation.

But instead of demanding one, she simply asked that I promise to get back to that once she was done explaining her life. After all we had all the time I was here for me to tell her the future, and we only had until her mother got back for her to tell me the cliff notes of her life so far.

She told me about her mom and about her dad, both of them were... well, characters.

They seemed to always be bantering at each other and were clearly deep in love, but Sakura could only stand to be with one of them at a time because the two together could wear her nerves down in seconds.

She told me about her friend Ino and her bully Ami and her friends Fuki and Kasumi.

I didn't know that Ami also happened to be one of Ino's old friends before they had a falling out. Nor did I know that Ami's dad had died fighting the Kyuubi and her mom had poisoned her against Naruto. I didn't want to give away Naruto's secret even to an Inner personality in the same body as me, so I kept silent about why the girl seemed to hate Naruto.

From what Sakura knew I could figure out Ino had stopped being her friend after her mom was caught selling moldy bread to Naruto. He had gotten pretty sick and tried to prank her for it. Sakura didn't know if he got away with it or not but Ami hated the boy regardless.

Fuki on the other hand was just plain mean. She was violent and enjoyed beating on people. She would often attack civilian children twice her age if provoked.

Kasumi while not as violent or mean was more than willing to point out peoples flaws and insecurities. She seemed to be able to sense what someone hated about themselves and used that against them.

Then there were the clan kids. I knew a lot about the heirs already. But I didn't know there was an illegitimate Inuzuka kid in another class. And there were two other Hyuuga children in the academy than the ones in the anime. Neither of them had the full bloodline or what ever but they were still part of the clan.

Ino had an older cousin a year ahead of them too.

Then there was Naruto. Her mom had always told her to stay away from him because he was always getting into trouble and she didn't want her daughter to get a bad mark on her record, or worse, a bad grade.

Her dad on the other hand was constantly telling her of the pranks Naruto would pull. Oddly enough, he made sure to tell her what the victim had done to deserve it first.

So Sakura decided he wasn't evil he was just stupid. Unlike the other kids who would either ignore him or complain to a teacher when he tried to talk to them, she had actually just told him to leave her alone.

A few years later and she seemed to be the only one who ever paid attention to him. She had yelled at him for being stupid several times in class, because no one else would. Then he got it in his head that because she actually talked to him a couple times that meant they should date.

She tried to just stop talking to him but he began asking her out every single day. And the word no only lasted a day at a time.

So she hit him.

While I couldn't condone her hitting him, I understood her reasons.

This had happened two weeks ago and he had asked her out three times since then.

Besides, hitting a ninja wannabe had less impact than hitting a regular child in this world.

They were trained to fight and got hurt like this all the time. It's like the difference between tackling a football kid and tackling a mathlete.

Sakura's Inner self had saved what she considered the best, for last.

Sasuke.

Oh dear god, if I have to listen to her gushing about that emo prick I'll puke!

Instead it was all about how much Ino thought he was cute, and how his whole family was dead.

Sakura had decided to like him because everything she thought a good shinobi should be was there and ready to be made.

Or at least, Ino thought it was and she was an expert on these things.

So Sakura swooned when she thought she should, until finally she had began to see it too and understood the appeal.

That was a frightening thought.

The fan-girlish obsession with the emo princess was contagious!

* * *

Inner-Sakura got me through most of her life and began explaining her classwork before her mother returned with the promised food.

I felt a sharp pain in my gut as I smelt meat and peppers. There was a lot of different foods in the small box her mother brought to me that I couldn't recognize. Sakura's inner self pointed out her favorites and the ones she didn't like, and each one she named would pull up it's true identity in my mind as if her simply naming it gave me the full comprehension of what it was...

A lot of it made me want to starve. Weirdly, the closest items to normal food were the ones she didn't like.

I guess I enjoyed fatty food more than her.

"Oh don't give me that look. I know you think you have to be thin to be popular but that isn't going to fly when you're sick. You will eat every bite if I have to sit here all day and make you eat it." Her mother planted herself in a lotus on the floor next to Sakura's bed.

Swallowing I decided to tuck in.

The pain in my belly wouldn't stop otherwise.

I liked most of it after a few bites. But what really drove me to eat it all was the hunger. When I was done, I had to fight with Inner-Sakura as I tried to raise the box up to her mother.

" _Don't do it you fatas! We already ate too much you're going to make me faaaaat!"_ She screamed in my head as she tried to hold me back, but I had too.

"M-Mom? Could I have seconds?" The question came out almost forced, given how I had to force my will over the mouth rather than let Inner-Sakura keep it shut, that was expected.

I was starved!

And I hadn't splurged on Asian cuisine in months!

She could suffer though one meal while her body was sick right?

Her mother didn't have any complaints and let me eat until I was as full as I would get.

"Okay, I guess you must have been sicker than I thought. But I'm glad your feeling better dear." The woman was bouncing between worry and relief like a slinky.

Having had my fill, I began my end of the bargain.

Starting with how Sakura had given up dieting because she couldn't keep up with her teammates once they made Genin.

I guess I'm not that good of a person, but it was for her own good. Beside's I wasn't going to spend who knows how long feeling angry all the time because my stomach was empty.

I told her there was some things she couldn't ever learn from me and others I didn't mind telling her. Since I had already said it, I continued with the fact she was going to be on the same team as both her crush and her bane. And because she wasn't eating right yet she would have been too slow and weak to keep up with them. She needed to put on muscle, not fat. But with nothing to build with, there wasn't enough meat to be made into muscle.

I didn't know the specifics, I was a computer programmer not a doctor.

However after that they would go on a bunch of silly stupid D-rank missions meant to earn pocket money until they could prove they were ready for something better. and that was when I told her I wouldn't share anything else until I could confirm things would stay the same.

Here she tried to suggest that I go back on the diet in order to keep things the same but I rejected it.

She began asking me a bunch of personal details of her future, like when would she marry Sasuke and who would be her first kiss... the fact that her first kiss was questioned when her marriage wasn't caught me by surprise.

I told her I only knew about the missions and such. I still hadn't told her about the real world or who I was, and I wasn't sure I wanted to but even if I tried it would be too unbelievable for her to understand.

So She began asking about my personal life. I decided I could tell her a few things like my age and my divorce...

That was a mistake.

" _So I have some wrinkled up old hag living in my body!"_ The inner girl was mortified. " _How could you ever hope to keep Sasuke interested if you couldn't keep a civilian guy! I'm going to end up just like you now aren't I? I'll be a shut-in Neet!_ "

My patience with her ended shortly after she began spouting her crap off. 'Now listen here you tit-less little brat! I spent years finding a life-style that was comfortable and I had everything I wanted until I got _forced_ into this situation. I don't want to be here any more than you want me here!'

The inner girl finally stopped her tirade about what a loser I would turn her into and pouted.

'The moment I can go home I'll be gone.' I confirmed to her.

* * *

Thank you for reading this.

I hope you have enjoyed my take on the Insert genre of fan fictions.

Please let me know what you think in the reviews.

But remember, **If you don't like it, don't read it, and certainly don't bother to review.** I **will** report any _hostile_ reviews that aren't at least constructive.


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